I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
