remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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