He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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