woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
