Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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