Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't deserve a penis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
