The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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