Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
