I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
