I wish I could punch you in the face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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