I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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