dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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