Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
