So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
