I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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