I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
