I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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