I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
