why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
