So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
