just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
