Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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