so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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