I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
