Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
