I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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