How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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