even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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