So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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