I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
