Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
