we have officially lost it.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
