in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also fuck yeah conspiracy