careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
