we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
