you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires