I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?