my professor just said "the power of the situation"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.