Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on