i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
