it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
