he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
