I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
