Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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