how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
