Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
