I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
