you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
