I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
