did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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