I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
