If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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