You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
