I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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