This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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