I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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