i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
