need another drink. this is the easiest way
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
