So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.