Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.