I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I AM VODKA MAN
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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