i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
