When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
