Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
