dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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