Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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