I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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