Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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