Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
