wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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