hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
