I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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