My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
