i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
