all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
