So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
