there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
