im six kinds of drunk right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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