People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
