Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
