I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
