There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
