i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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