last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
time to smoke my breakfast
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
