Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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