Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
