I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
