im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
