I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
